Squidfest

Next weekend is the Squidfest. You may well ask what that is. Our dear friend Linda has held the Squidfest for over 10 years. Her father, Ed, is a mighty fisherman who fishes squid on the Puget Sound up in Washington. He brings the squid down to Berkeley in a cooler every winter and Linda fries it up and cooks a gourmet dinner, featuring squid, for her friends. She and Ed preside over the squidly activities, which include a game of squid bingo and the initiation of new “Squidlings” who have never before attended the Squidfest.

This year, we will have the pleasure of initiating our friend Arthur, who moved from California back to his native Barre, Massachusetts long before the invention of the Squidfest. He moved to Barre to raise his daughters in extreme weather; I guess so they would be hardy and resilient. Why anyone lives in a place where it snows mystifies me. Although this morning I am looking at snow in my yard here in California, a rarity. My cats are practically hysterical with joy and are running back and forth across my roof. They don’t know any better. They think snow is fun. I confess it looks deliciously beautiful, but who wants to go outside in the stuff? Honey looks delicious too, but I wouldn’t want to have to scrape two inches of it off my car.

But I digress. When I heard that Arthur was coming to Squidfest, I thought I had better prepare him for the initiation rights. I sent him the following email:

Art: I'm delighted to hear that you will be at Squidfest. I do want to give you a heads up so you are prepared. To recite the Squid Oath, please be sure to bring your snorkeling mask, flippers, Speedo, bait bucket, loofa sponge, shovel, party hat, baby photo, canoe, turkey-baster, indelible pen, safety pins, toga, and a case of pickled herring. Don't be nervous, if you freeze up on stage, Ron can help you with your lines. Ed can provide you with a Hawaiian shirt and fishing pole, so you don't need to bring those. I hope Linda has enough batter, how much do you weigh? Looking forward to the festivities.
Amy
P.S. Linda: we have the feathers.

Needless to say, other Squidlings have now broken the silence and are sending Arthur advice. After all, we aren’t sworn to secrecy about the initiation. And it’s a little different every time. Although I think we could really do without our friend Jim obsessing about the role of worms in the initiation rites. I personally have an aversion to worms and would prefer not to have them on the table while I’m eating, or invited to the event at all. I say this at the risk of being accused of discrimination against worms. But Squidfest is a private affair and I think we have the right to ban worms. It’s difficult enough making it through all those tentacles. There, I’ve said it. Now the Squid Rights Foundation will be collaborating with the Worm Rights Foundation to shut this blog down. I want to say that I personally don’t eat squid or worms. I also don’t eat okra. But of course this is just my opinion and does not reflect the opinion of Blogspot.