Mother Knows Best

Don’t you love the way no one listens to the mom? And the mom is always right.

The mom says “Don’t eat dinner in your brand new white sweater. It’s spaghetti, in greasy tomato sauce. That’s hard to wash out.”“Mom, I can keep my dinner on my plate, how hard is that? I’m not going to miss my mouth with my food.” Six bottles of Stain-Out and twenty-minutes of crying later.

In the morning, the mom says “Take a jacket. You might not need it but if you have it then for sure you won’t get cold.” So he turns up in the evening in a Patriots jacket. “Whose jacket is that and what is it doing in my house?”“It’s Eli’s and I got cold. His dad gave it to me. He said I could keep it.”“NO you can’t keep it and I don’t care if you have frostbite so bad that your fingers are falling off. No child of mine is ever, do you hear me ever, bringing a Patriots jacket into this house.”

The mom says to the dad, “Don’t leave your glasses lying around. Put them away so you can find them.” So why am I and the children tearing the house apart looking for Dad’s glasses? Or wallet. Or car keys. Or insulin (which he accuses the cat of batting to the floor and sheepishly discovers in his computer bag).

No one listens when the mom says to put air in that tire, work harder and get a B in geometry now so you can relax senior year, don’t wash that new red sweatshirt with your underwear, don’t quit piano lessons, take your swimsuit just in case, bring your skateboard inside before it starts raining, that bass speaker you want to order via email will not fit in your trunk, take orange juice with you in case you have low blood sugar or we’ll be paying an ambulance $700 to cart you to the emergency room, don’t give your friends the keys to your car (especially if they don’t have a license), if you eat that much ice cream without taking a lactose digestant you will regret it, write thank-you notes to show people they are appreciated, and do not attempt to blow-dry the cat.

It's tough being right all the time.