Inspected

My house is crawling with inspectors. A guy turned off my water and pumped my well for hours to see if it would blow up. It didn’t. It produces 11.5 GPMs, which is apparently a really good thing. I told him to go in the house and taste the water. Best water in the world. The pest inspector set up his laptop on my dining room table and catalogued all the critter damage to the structure. Far be it from me to mention the skunks, snakes, rattlers, mice, raccoons, opossums, ahem, what else? that might potentially be living under my house or in my walls. He’s looking at mold and termites, I imagine. Mold we have. Termites, I should think not. The whole house inspector, who was an older man, rather serious (if he were a dog he’d be a basset hound), lit up when I managed to get him to start talking about ballroom dancing. He is an avid dancer and teaches the stuff. He informed me that my toilets are loose (does that mean we might fall off while having a long sit?) and that I have a gas leak in my hot water heater. He is not allowed, legally, to give me any further information since I was not the one to employ his services, but he did give me a hint—don’t light a match near the hot water heater. (Have to get that fixed.) Meanwhile, our buyers are out somewhere on the property with a surveyor trying to find our property corners. They have been out there for three hours and so far they have found one corner. The other three corners appear to be eluding them, but they have the general idea. They got a lot of points in my book when I asked if they wanted me to remove the compost (in two large containers) and they replied, “heavens no, why would we give that up?” The realtor’s secretary was planning to come out with a pickup truck and take the compost if the buyers didn’t want it. I wonder if I can sell just the compost to the highest bidder? Tomorrow, on to the septic system inspection. That will be the most fun of all. As far as I can tell, someone is going to look at 17 years worth of our shit with a camera. Who would want to do that for a living?