Sunday, January 21, 2024

Changing the Prophecy -- Blog Entry Episodes -- Introductory Statement and Chapter 1 Episode 1

Changing the Prophecy is now in print and can be purchased online or at your local bookstore. I am making the story available here on my blog in short episodes to be released every few days. Read here for free. Buy the book if you can’t wait to find out what happens. To find your place where you left off or start from the beginning, type the chapter and episode numbers into the search box in the upper left corner of the landing page for The View from Amy’s World. For example, to find the first episode, type “Chapter 1 Episode 1.” It should take you to it. Enjoy the journey!

Chapter 1 Before Midsummer’s Eve

Chapter 1 Episode 1

Doshmisi awoke in pitch darkness to Aunt Alice’s insistent gentle voice. “Dosh, wake up,” Aunt Alice said, as she switched on the light next to Doshmisi’s bed.

“What’s up?” Doshmisi asked, as she sat up in bed. The urgent tone in Aunt Alice’s voice instantly snapped her awake. “It’s not Midsummer’s yet. What’s going on?” If it had been Midsummer’s Eve, she would have expected Aunt Alice to wake her so that she could go to the cabin in the woods and travel with her brothers and sister to the land of Faracadar, as they had traveled the previous summer. Amethyst the gatekeeper came from Faracadar every year on Midsummer’s Eve to take “the Four” (as they were called) to Faracadar for a time. Doshmisi’s mother along with her Aunt Alice, Uncle Martin, and Uncle Bobby used to be the Four; but now Doshmisi, who was fifteen, Denzel, who was fourteen, Maia, who was twelve, and Sonjay, who had just turned eleven, were the new Four. Doshmisi and her siblings had been impatiently counting the days left before Midsummer’s Eve, when they would return to Faracadar. But it was not yet the appointed time.

“They have come for you tonight and so tonight you must go,” Aunt Alice told Doshmisi.

“They?” Doshmisi asked. “Who did Amethyst bring with her?”

Aunt Alice’s voice quavered as she answered. “Amethyst died a few months ago, baby. Ruby and Crystal have come instead.”

“How could Amethyst die? What happened to her?” Doshmisi struggled to wrap her head around the idea that the sweet old woman who had baked delicious spice cake for them before sending them to Faracadar only the previous summer had died.

“Nothing happened. She just got old and her body wore out,” Aunt Alice replied with a sigh. “Now get dressed. Remember to take a sweater. Would you please look after Zora for a minute?” Aunt Alice handed her little dog, a silky black Pomeranian with shiny brown eyes, to Doshmisi, who took the dog in her arms. Zora licked Doshmisi’s chin with her rough tongue.

“I don’t want her to bark and wake Elena. Meet me downstairs,” Aunt Alice continued. “I have to rouse your brothers and Maia; and I have to figure out what to do about Elena.”

“Maybe she’ll sleep through everything,” Doshmisi suggested hopefully.

“We should be so lucky,” Aunt Alice responded grimly.

Elena was Maia’s best friend and she was sleeping over for the night at Manzanita Ranch, where the Goodacre children had lived with their Aunt Alice ever since their mother’s sudden death a year and a half before. They were basically orphans because their father had disappeared when Sonjay was a baby; but Sonjay insisted that their father still lived, imprisoned in the Final Fortress in Faracadar. Experience had taught Doshmisi not to discount even Sonjay’s most farfetched ideas so she had reserved judgment on his conviction about their father.

Doshmisi wondered what Aunt Alice would do about Elena.

As she looked in the mirror to put on her woven green hat, given to her last year in Faracadar, Doshmisi paused to study the face that peered back at her. She wore her hair short, cut close to her head. She had coffee-brown skin and deep-brown eyes. She wore a small shiny green stud nose ring, a silver ear cuff, a dark-green sweater, and sea-green cotton pants. She picked up her dolphin earrings and put them in her ears and slipped a silver bracelet on her wrist. She smiled with approval at her appearance. She looked like the healers who lived on the islands of Faracadar. She hoped one day, with greater knowledge, to join their ranks. Thinking about the healers made her remember to take the herbal, a book with recipes and instructions for medicines and potions to help sick people get well. The herbal was an enchanted thing and therefore unpredictable. Although Doshmisi had already learned a lot about how to use it, she hoped to learn more of its secrets during her upcoming trip to Faracadar. She snapped the herbal securely in its carry case, which she then strapped around her waist.

While Doshmisi dressed, Aunt Alice awakened Denzel and Sonjay. She sent Denzel to her nightstand to retrieve the amulets, which the children wore when they traveled in Faracadar. Doshmisi wore the Amulet of the Trees, Denzel wore the Amulet of Metal, the Amulet of Watersong belonged to Maia, and Sonjay had inherited their mother Debbie’s amulet, the Amulet of Heartfire. Last summer, the energy in the amulets had assisted them in their quest to take back the Staff of Shakabaz from the powerful and malevolent enchanter Sissrath. According to Aunt Alice, the amulets enhanced the gifts and abilities that the children already had within them.

Doshmisi had discovered that she had a gift for healing and she had made good use of Aunt Alice’s herbal to heal the sick. Denzel had discovered he had an aptitude for inventing, building, and making things. Maia, who had befriended the drummers of Faracadar, had proven herself to be a brilliant musician and had used her talent for music to save their lives on more than one occasion. The power of the Amulet of Heartfire had brought out Sonjay’s innate leadership skills and his ability to see straight to the truth. In the end, Sonjay had been the one to take the Staff of Shakabaz from Sissrath.

Sonjay dressed in his favorite lemon-yellow T-shirt and jeans and grabbed a canary-yellow sweatshirt, which he tied around his waist. His hair stood out from his head in short baby dreadlock twists. He ran his hand over the dreads as he raced down the stairs to find his inseparable companion Bayard Rustin, an enormous, eye-poppingly bright, green-blue-yellow-red parrot. Sonjay entered the sitting room and turned on the light. Bayard blinked at him in the sudden brightness and asked, hopefully, “Amethyst makes spice cake?”

Tears filled Sonjay’s eyes as he held out his arm for Bayard to climb aboard. “No, you greedy heap of feathers, no spice cake.” Then he continued more gently, “Amethyst died. Ruby and Crystal came instead and they didn’t bake anything. They’re in too much of a hurry.”

“Uh-oh,” Bayard said as he settled on Sonjay’s shoulder. “Uh-oh.”

“You can say that again,” Sonjay agreed.

Bayard obliged by repeating, “Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh…”

“Alright, that’s enough times,” Sonjay interrupted. Sometimes, Bayard acted as annoying as a pesky little brother.

Just then Denzel joined them. He was the tallest of the four Goodacres and had the lightest skin of the four as well. He had large eyes and large hands. He wore his hair in a short natural, not quite as short as Doshmisi’s hair. He was handsome and caused a stir among the girls who went to his school. Prepared for the trip to Faracadar, he wore a pair of sturdy hiking shoes and his characteristic red-and-white plaid flannel shirt. He carried a partly filled backpack. “Here bro,” he said as he handed Sonjay the Amulet of Heartfire. “I have to go to the garage to grab some stuff. Tell Aunt Alice I’ll meet you guys on the porch in a few minutes. Hey, take your skateboard and a spare set of wheels.” Sonjay glimpsed duct tape, a screwdriver set, a crescent wrench, and some wires bouncing around in Denzel’s backpack. As Denzel headed out of the room, he turned in the doorway to give Sonjay one last instruction, “Oh, yeah, get the canteens from the pantry, aight?”

“I’ve got it covered, man,” Sonjay assured him.

“No spice cake,” Bayard informed Denzel mournfully.

“While you’re in the pantry, you better find something to feed that bird. If he gets hungry he’ll drive us all nuts,” Denzel pointed out.

Upstairs, Maia opened her eyes as Aunt Alice gently tapped her shoulder. Aunt Alice held a cautionary finger to her lips, indicating that Maia should remain quiet. Maia slipped silently from her bed, glancing anxiously at her friend Elena as she tiptoed out of the room behind Aunt Alice, who led Maia down the hallway to Doshmisi’s bedroom and then handed Maia her clothes and her travel drum.

“I think we got out without waking Elena,” Aunt Alice said worriedly. She informed Maia that Amethyst had died and that Ruby and Crystal had come to take the Four to Faracadar. Maia’s eyes welled with tears at the news about Amethyst. “But it’s not Midsummer’s Eve,” Maia said, as she wiped at her eyes with her sleeve. “Will it work tonight? Will it be OK?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Aunt Alice replied.

“Then why did they come tonight?” Maia asked. “I don’t think we can do this without Amethyst.” Her voice trembled as she said Amethyst’s name.

“We’re going to have to do it without her. And we’re going to have to do it tonight. Something is up. Get dressed and ready to travel and we’ll ask them about it when we see them at the cabin,” Aunt Alice informed her. Maia dressed quickly, pulling her deep-blue sweater over the explosion of long braids that covered her head. She slung her travel drum over her shoulder. “I have to get the timber flute from the library,” she told Aunt Alice, as they stepped softly down the stairs.

After fetching her timber flute, Maia joined the others on the front porch where they had assembled. Sonjay handed Maia her water canteen and Denzel handed her the Amulet of Watersong.

“How do you know they’re here?” Doshmisi asked. She held Zora under her arm and petted the little dog so she would stay quiet.

“They came to the house and found me,” Aunt Alice answered.

“Are they allowed to do that?” Maia wondered aloud.

“They did it, didn’t they?” Denzel replied.

“Amethyst never left the cabin, but tonight Ruby and Crystal came to the house and found me. Things are changing.” Aunt Alice gave Doshmisi a hug, handed her the lantern, and then put her arms around Maia and squeezed. “OK, go. You know where to find them,” she instructed as she released Maia and bent over to embrace Sonjay.

“What do you mean? You have to come with us,” Maia pleaded.

As Aunt Alice turned from Sonjay to give Denzel a parting hug, she replied, “I can’t. Elena’s here. What if she wakes up?”

“She won’t,” Maia assured her aunt. “She sleeps like a rock. Besides, she’s not going to start wandering around the house looking for us if she does. She’ll just go back to sleep.”

Aunt Alice hesitated, considering her options.

“She might go wandering through the house looking for me,” Denzel mumbled.

“She’s not that weird,” Maia defended her friend.

“It seems weird to me,” Denzel informed her.

“She just has a crush on you. Would it hurt you so much to be nice to her?” Maia demanded in exasperation.

“I’ve called your Uncle Bobby. He should arrive in a couple of hours,” Aunt Alice said. “He’ll be here by the time you get back. When he gets here I’ll go to the cabin.”

 Doshmisi noticed that Aunt Alice had not reprimanded Denzel and Maia for bickering about Elena and took it as a sign of how distracted and worried her aunt was.

“Come with us to the cabin,” Sonjay begged.

“Uh-oh, uh-oh,” Bayard squawked.

“You know you want to,” Doshmisi tempted Aunt Alice.

“Oh alright,” Aunt Alice agreed. “I suppose Elena will sleep through this.” Doshmisi handed Zora over to her aunt as the family stepped off the front porch and hurried down the driveway to the path bordered by raspberry brambles that led to the cabin in the woods.

As they approached the cabin, they saw light streaming from the windows. The door flew open and Ruby hurtled out. She burst into tears as she flung her arms first around Doshmisi, and then around Maia. Her mother, Crystal, stood in the doorway, surveying the scene. Crystal and Ruby had a fire-engine-red tint to their rich, brown skin because they were of the People Beyond the Lake. When Ruby reached for Denzel, he quickly held out his hand and shook hers to prevent her from engulfing him in a weepy hug. “How’s Jasper?” he asked.

“Fine. He’s at home waiting for you. He’s especially waiting for Dosh,” Ruby replied with a short laugh as she shook Denzel’s hand and then Sonjay’s. Jasper was Ruby’s younger brother. At the mention of his name, Doshmisi’s heart raced.

“Let’s get moving,” Sonjay said impatiently, as he nodded in greeting to Crystal.

When they entered the cabin, they saw that Crystal and Ruby had already placed the four travel cushions in a neat row on the floor and had surrounded each square cushion with the requisite four passage sticks, pieces from the original gateway door linking Faracadar with the world in which the Goodacres lived with Aunt Alice. A powerful enchanter of old had created the gateway with deep enchantment and very few had passed between the two worlds using the gateway door or the passage sticks.

The jars of colorful powder twinkled brightly, lined up next to one another on the table. The Goodacres missed the delicious scent of Amethyst’s fresh-baked spice cake. The wood-burning cooking stove squatted cold and silent in the corner. Doshmisi remembered the warmth and sweet spicy scent that had greeted them the previous year when they had arrived at the cabin, filled with questions. Crystal touched the jars of powder tentatively with trembling fingers.

“Do you know how to do it?” Aunt Alice asked.

“Sort of,” Crystal replied. “We should have prepared for this better; we didn’t imagine that we would lose Amethyst so soon.”

Aunt Alice ran her hand up and down Crystal’s arm in a comforting gesture. Amethyst was Crystal’s mother. “Amethyst is watching,” Aunt Alice said.

Crystal smiled even as tears filled her eyes. “So she is,” Crystal agreed.

Knowing that time was short to gain information, Sonjay cut to the chase. “Quickly, tell us why you came tonight. Why couldn’t you wait until Midsummer’s Eve?”

“Uh-oh,” Bayard insisted.

“Uh-oh is right,” Ruby confirmed. “Compost has laid siege to Big House City with an army of Mountain People. They assembled outside the city a couple of weeks ago and surrounded it. They won’t allow anyone in or out.”

“What do they want?” Denzel asked. “Have they made any demands?”

Ruby answered, “Well, they say they want the Staff of Shakabaz, even though they must realize that it will not come to them now, after it went to Sonjay at the Battle of Truth. And they could never use it, even if Cardamom handed it over to them, which he won’t of course. Sissrath has not appeared at Big House City. We don’t know where he went or why Compost remains on his own. We can’t make sense of any of it. We need your help.” Compost worked for Sissrath. The Four had defeated Sissrath with the power of truth in a nonviolent protest the previous year. During that protest, which people referred to as the Battle of Truth, the Staff of Shakabaz had chosen to move from Sissrath’s control into Sonjay’s hand. As powerful as Sissrath was, he had not been able to prevent the staff from changing hands. Sonjay had left the staff at Big House City under the watchful eye of the mighty enchanter Cardamom for safe-keeping. The royal family that ruled Faracadar lived in the Big House at the center of Big House City.

“Cardamom can’t do anything to stop the siege?” Sonjay questioned.

“He has not done anything so far,” Ruby replied.

“What about High Chief Hyacinth and the princess?” Maia asked. “Where are they?”

“The high chief is with Cardamom in the Big House. Princess Honeydew went to the Wolf Circle with her mother a few months ago. She has begun studying how to use her powers as an enchantress.” The Four had traveled with the high chief and his daughter the year before and Doshmisi had helped them to reunite with Honeydew’s mother, High Chieftess Saffron, after Doshmisi discovered that Sissrath had imprisoned Saffron at the Final Fortress and put her under an enchantment of forgetting. The Four were the princess’s distant cousins and part of the royal family through their mother’s ancestors.

“Something doesn’t seem right about this,” Sonjay said.

“What do you mean?” Crystal asked.

“The siege doesn’t make sense,” Sonjay explained.

“I agree,” Crystal told him. “Jack visited us today. He was extremely distraught. He told us to bring you to Faracadar and that prompted us to attempt to come before the appointed time.”

“What exactly did Jack say?” Doshmisi asked.

“You know how hard it is for him to put things into words. He said to come get you and he said ‘whales’ over and over again,” Ruby told her. “He also said ‘bad oil’. He plopped a large clump of algae on the kitchen table.” Jack was an intuit. Intuits had psychic abilities and they could often see the future. Jack was just a little boy, only six years old, and his intuit’s mind moved so quickly that he had trouble talking clearly so other people often had a hard time understanding what he meant. Intuits rarely lived more than sixteen or seventeen years because the intensity of their lives burned them out young.

Doshmisi groaned. “Not the whales again,” she said to no one in particular. She loved the whales and, unlike most other people, she could even hear them when they spoke, just as she could communicate with the trees in their language. But the trees made sense to her while the whales talked in poetry and Doshmisi had a hard time figuring out the meaning of the words the whales spoke to her. She didn’t want to have to rely on the whales to explain anything to her in their poetic words,

Just then a startling crash came from outside the cabin. Aunt Alice and Crystal bolted, followed closely by the others, with Zora yipping at their heels. Aunt Alice had grabbed the lantern on her way out the door and she held it high to reveal Maia’s friend Elena sprawled on the ground next to an overturned plastic bucket beneath one of the cabin windows.

 


Saturday, December 30, 2023

Publishing Headaches and Excitements


I’m excited for Changing the Prophecy to reach my readers and hope that it will give children a wild adventure and give everyone a few laughs. We need a few laughs right about now.

My publication journey has been interesting. I tried to do everything myself and almost did just that. I enlisted the aid of a colleague who has a publishing house at the very end to help with some formatting. And of course I had Anjelica (who is a professional artist) do the cover image. Now that the book is circulating, I’m dismayed to discover that the printer has produced many copies that have a defective cover image and I can’t seem to get them to fix the problem. They sent me a digital version to view and approve before putting the book into distribution and everything looked good on that version. But some of the copies people are receiving have the front or back cover off-center and/or cover art wrapping slightly onto the spine. Unprofessional. The book is being produced print-on-demand (POD) so every copy is individually printed. But still, right? Every copy should be correct. I have learned a lot to help me do this next time. And there will be a next time, my friends. I plan to publish my eco speculative fiction novel for adults next year. I hope that what I have learned will help me improve on the process.

In the meantime, cover images notwithstanding, I look forward to sharing my story with you if you choose to jump in and read. Dare I call it a “long-awaited sequel to The Call to Shakabaz”? I hope it is and I hope it satisfies. Let me know what you think after you read it. You can order Changing the Prophecy from all the usual places, including your local bookstore. (Contact me directly if you want a copy of The Call to Shakabaz because I have some in my garage.)




Tuesday, December 12, 2023

Announcing the Debut of Changing the Prophecy

I am delighted to announce the publication of Changing the Prophecy.

More than fifteen years ago, I published The Call to Shakabaz and now I offer you a sequel. The new book takes the four protagonists back to Faracadar for more adventures, with an expanded cast of characters. Changing the Prophecy is available in print format only from all the usual places that books are sold (bookstores and online). Please note that if you want copies of The Call to Shakabaz, the best place to obtain it is from me. Email or message me to purchase a copy.

The beautiful cover image for Changing the Prophecy was designed by Anjelica Colliard. If you choose to enter the pages of Changing the Prophecy, I hope, as ever, you enjoy the journey.

Here’s a Little More About Changing the Prophecy:

The Four return to Faracadar in this sequel to The Call to Shakabaz that charts their adventures through a siege of Big House City, the dungeons of the Final Fortress, Compost’s garbage labyrinth, an alien-run prison camp, an attack of flying tacos, a voyage to the bottom of a dying ocean, and more. They apply their ingenuity to the task of overturning an ancient prophecy and preventing the environmental destruction of the land by mysterious creatures in cahoots with Sissrath as he lays his evil plans. Revisiting beloved characters and introducing the Prophet of the Khoum, a reformed geebaching who struggles to keep a straight face, and a resourceful Latina friend, this year’s return to Faracadar finds the Four choosing to take action rather than accepting defeat as a foregone conclusion. While the danger of environmental destruction in Faracadar threatens to undermine hope, the heroes and heroines of Changing the Prophecy refuse to allow the doomsayers the last word.









Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Changing the Prophecy


Watch this space! Coming soon is the arrival of Changing the Prophecy. This sequel to The Call to Shakabaz takes the four protagonists back to Faracadar for more adventures, with an expanded cast of characters. I will be announcing availability very soon. Changing the Prophecy is published by my own Woza Books and will be available in print format from all the usual sources for books (bookstores and online sellers). 

About Changing the Prophecy:  The Four return to Faracadar in this sequel to The Call to Shakabaz that charts their adventures through a siege of Big House City, the dungeons of the Final Fortress, Compost’s garbage labyrinth, an alien-run prison camp, an attack of flying tacos, a voyage to the bottom of a dying ocean, and more. They apply their ingenuity to the task of overturning an ancient prophecy and preventing the environmental destruction of the land by mysterious alien creatures in cahoots with Sissrath as he lays his evil plans. Revisiting beloved characters and introducing the Prophet of the Khoum, a reformed geebaching who struggles to keep a straight face, and a resourceful Latina friend of the Goodacres, this year’s return to Faracadar finds the Four choosing to take action rather than accepting defeat as a foregone conclusion. While the danger of environmental destruction in Faracadar threatens to undermine hope, the heroes and heroines of Changing the Prophecy refuse to allow the doomsayers the last word.

If you or anyone you know wants a copy of The Call to Shakabaz, the best place to buy that book is from me because all the remaining new copies are in my garage (not many left). A bookseller would have to buy it from me to sell it to you. Copies are available directly from me for $10 plus shipping. Email me at amy@wozabooks.com to buy one.

More information will be coming before long. Hopefully in time for the holidays.

 


 

 

Sunday, July 10, 2022

The Return


Until recently if you asked me how the pandemic changed my life I’d have said that fortunately I was insulated against its worst effects and it didn’t change my life much. I would have been wrong. I just couldn’t see it. What opened my eyes? I went to synagogue in person for the first time since the beginning of the pandemic and when the Torah was taken out of the ark, I cried. I had not been in the presence of the Torah for more than two years. I am someone who would not describe herself as religious (spiritual, but not religious), who does not believe in the monotheistic Judaic god-figure, and who was attending a service at a congregation where I didn’t know anyone. It made me mindful. I had a long think about the last couple of years.

Why did I imagine the pandemic had not changed my life that much? To begin with, like many writers, I tend to be reclusive. I’m easily exhausted by social events. I often leave gatherings early or bow out altogether. These days I feel increasingly uncomfortable in large groups, preferring the small dinner party or nature walk with one or two friends, where I can follow a conversation better since I have poor hearing. I had no problem staying home; no problem conversing with people on screenchat with subtitles so that I could understand what they were saying better than in person. I went out maybe once a week to buy food and pick up books at the library (left in front in a paper bag with my name on it). With my reliance on lip-reading, I couldn’t communicate with people in masks and therefore avoided contact outside my home more than most. I missed the gym, but I developed a workout to do at home. I had been working from home for 20 years so my work life did not change. Living in liberal America, everyone I knew wore masks, used hand sanitizer, was super careful, and then got vaccinated as soon as they could when that became available. I didn’t know anyone who had contracted the disease, let alone been hospitalized or died of it.

Over time that changed. All of my children and grandchildren have had it by now. Most of my closest relatives have had it. Many friends have had it, despite vaccinations and following guidelines for being careful. Some have had it more than once. I have still not had the disease, but I expect to get it eventually.

As the Torah reading proceeded at services last Saturday, I reflected on my life before the pandemic and my life now. How could I possibly have thought not much had changed? After 43 years of living in and loving California, I bailed and moved to Oregon. Duh – change. I have more than the pandemic to owe for that move but the pandemic certainly turned the tide. I was looking for a better living situation for us to age in place, better medical care with more options, more resources for seniors, smaller house and yard to manage. I was looking for a place not as heavily impacted by global warming. In California, we lived in an area burning up and drought ravaged. We spent half the year on evacuation warning. For six months out of the year I drove around with my photo albums and handmade quilts in the car in case I had to run for it. My gardens barely breathed under water rationing. We often had bad air from nearby conflagrations. Then the pandemic hit, and I saw my new (second) grandson once right after he was born then not again for seven months. When he was seven months old, I saw him for a few days and then didn’t see him again until he was nearly a year (except on the computer screen). I missed the entire first year of his life and will never get it back. After that we agreed on the move. We simply had to live close to the grandchildren if we wanted to have them in our lives, if we wanted to be a part of their childhood and enjoy watching them grow up at close range. The logistics of making that happen were, of course, extremely complicated and stressful. Glad that’s behind us. But I wonder how long it would have taken us to actually do it, to make the move, if not for the pandemic. The separation from our grandchildren it caused galvanized us into action.

I remember well our arrival in Portland when we went to see the baby at seven months during the first year of the pandemic. We drove, stopping only to use a few rest areas along the way while wearing gloves and facemasks and dousing ourselves in sanitizer. We arrived in the evening to find our Zev (just turned three) playing in the front yard with his mom. He had only seen us on screenchat for seven months. We got out of the car and walked over to him. He asked us, “How did you come to Earth?” Who knows what goes on in the mind of a three-year-old? Perhaps he wondered how we got out of the computer.

Beyond the move to the Pacific NW, the pandemic changed my life in many other ways as well. My book group dissolved. I joined a movie group on zoom and it still meets. My father and brothers and I began a weekly family zoom that has resulted in stronger connections for all of us. Given that my father is 93, the weekly zoom matters a great deal. I also zoom regularly with a group of my women cousins and we have become closer and more in touch with one another’s daily lives. I have a weekly screenchat with one of my closest women friends; a time we hold sacred and a weekly conversation that helps keep us sane in these difficult times. Ironically, the social distancing of the pandemic brought me closer to friends and family and increased rather than decreased the time I spend with many members of my inner circle.

Deep psychological effects of the pandemic crept up on me, impacts that I did not recognize, admit, or understand for quite some time. I find these hard to tease apart from the damage to my soul caused by the sad state of the world. How much is pandemic blues and how much is Jan. 6 disgust, Supreme Court grief, mass shooting trauma, institutionalized racism rage, anti-Semitism fear, environmental destruction despair, and on and on? Sadly, I have lost a lot of my creativity. My imagination feels blunted, often paralyzed. This happened slowly like the proverbial lobster in the stew pot. Somewhere at parboil I stopped believing that anything I write will make a difference. I gave up on creative writing and quit caring that I have entire books that I have written that have not been published and few people have read. What’s the point when human life will soon vanish and no trace of us remain? On what day did I abandon my calling, one of my greatest delights? In what hour did I lose faith?

Lately I notice more and more features of pre-pandemic life re-emerging. Fewer people wear masks. More people will unmask so that I can read their lips and understand them. Events are starting to take place again, often outdoors, nevertheless happening. I have invited a few people over for dinner. I have gone to the home of new friends for a meal. I still wear a mask at the store, the gym, the library; but the world is tentatively opening up again, poking its head out from the shell and feeling the sunshine on its face. As the return unfolds, I find myself poking my head out in an entirely new place with different people, landscape, air, water, light. It’s quite an adjustment. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m no longer a Californian, a definition of myself that I was attached to and loved for a long time. My morning walk has changed dramatically. Where I once walked a path among desiccated grasses surrounded by stands of thirsty oak trees on the edge of a dried-up lake, now I walk in a damp maple and fern semi-rainforest. Where am I? Where did I come to Earth? Where has everybody come to Earth? I call it “the return,” but truly there is no return, only forward motion into the ever-unknown. I want some things back. I miss California oak trees. I miss creative writing. I miss faith.

My new daily walk.